Oh, Eddie Bauer


I’d like to tell you that today was a better day, but I try to only be brutally honest with you. In the interest of full disclosure, let me assure you that it was not good. Well, except for the part where Justin came home and we actually got to spend some time together. That part was good.

We started the day with a 12:20 wake-up call from young Robert, complete with upper-register screaming. I changed his diaper and dutifully gave him a bottle of milk. I know, I know… It’ll cause cavities and all sorts of other horrible things. But, at 12:20 in the morning, I don’t really care. A bottle of water just isn’t going to cut it. Even the milk barely cut it. He started screaming as soon as it was finished. But, being the good mother that I am, I let him cry it out. He’d been changed, cuddled, and fed. His nose was wiped and the nightlight was left on. Eventually he went to sleep. I’m sure he’s a better child for it. Right?

My good fortune continued at Lawrence International High School this morning. Please note the dripping sarcasm… A student who had, bless her heart, only joined my class last Friday came up to me at my desk and whispered the most horrible words anyone could ever hear: “Miss, your pants are ripped. We can see your panties.” Now, the first offense was not what you would think; it was the use of the word panties. Just makes my skin crawl.

I was absolutely horrified. How do you not realize your butt is on display for the entire population of your school? And, to make it worse, I had no idea how long my pants, my new Eddie Bauer pants, had been deceiving me. Fortunately, I had my gym clothes with me at work, since I go straight to the gym after work on Tuesdays and Thursdays. At the last minute, I grabbed a sweatshirt, which conveniently fit around my waist for the remainder of the period. You must be dying to know what I did for the rest of the day. I did the only thing I could do; I wore my black running pants. With my black sweater. And black beaded shoes. It was a hot mess.

Just to make sure you have the full picture, I checked out the rip on the pants. It went from about a third of the way up the back all the way to the front. The seam completely split. And, yes, the pants fit. I’ll be making a special trip to Eddie Bauer to get a new pair. And I’ll probably reinforce the seam. Or at least make sure I have a spare pair of pants in my drawer whenever I wear them…


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